One of the most important ingredients in any relationship is RESPECT.
Simply defined respect is to bestow honor or eseem onto someone else. If
marriages do not contain this important human element dysfunctional interaction
is bound to follow.
According to David R. Hawkins Mutual respect is a foundation
for any relationship. Generally respect is present when we
embrace the concepts of acceptance, forgiveness, allowing another to make
mistakes without judging their motives, listening and appreciating their unique
personality. We treat others honorably, listening to them and valuing their
points of view. We are sensitive to the boundaries they have
In addition he stated Mutual respect must be maintained
together. Both partners must commit to infusing their
relationship with mutual respect. This is done by clarifying boundaries, needs
and wishes. Others cannot read our minds and often don’t know they are harming
us. Attend to what causes empathy and connection and work toward it. Show your
mate that you care enough to attend to their concerns.
Perhaps Otis Redding had it RIGHT when HE wrote the song RESPECT....even
when he had the great Aretha Franklin sing it! Dont you think we ALL need a
We need friends. Friends guide us, care for us, confront us in love, console us in times of pain. Although we speak of "making friends," friends cannot be made. Friends are free gifts from God. But God gives us the friends we need when we need them if we fully trust in God's love.
Friends cannot replace God. They have limitations and weaknesses like we have. Their love is never faultless, never complete. But in their limitations they can be signposts on our journey towards the unlimited and unconditional love of God.
Let's enjoy the friends whom God has sent on our way.
-Henri J.M. Nouwen
(From Daily Meditation Wednesday May 1, 2013)
HeartBuilders Ministries wishes all a wonderful summer!
Many of us marry with the illusion that the excitement and magic of new love will
never fade away. Then, at some point in the first couple years of marriage, we
wake up and realize that reality is a bit different. That’s when we enter the
season of disappointed love.
I think the secret to dealing with the inevitable disappointments we face in
marriage is found in one simple word: commitment. Commitment is
choosing to take your spouse's hand and walk through the reality God has
allowed in your life, believing that on the other side you will find a deeper
love and a healthier relationship than you had before. Sometimes
moving past disappointed love will mean restating your wedding vows.
Commitment is an inner resolve to conform to what you know to be true in spite of your
feelings. Your covenant of commitment to God and each other is the heart of
what remains once reality has edited the illusion of what you thought marriage
would be. At your wedding, you stood before God and promised to never forsake
each other, “for better or for worse.” Now, staring “worse” in the face, you
have a choice. Will you honor that commitment?
by Barbara Rainey
Moments With You Couples Devotional
April 5, 2013
Next HeartBuilders Conference
Saturday May 18th
Every good relationship between two or more people, whether it is
friendship, marriage, or community, creates space where strangers can enter and
become friends. Good relationships are hospitable. When we enter
into a home and feel warmly welcomed, we will soon realize that the love among
those who live in that home is what makes that welcome
When there is conflict in the home, the guest is soon forced to choose
sides. "Are you for him or for her?" "Do you agree with them or with
us?" "Do you like him more than you do me?" These questions prevent
true hospitality - that is, an opportunity for the stranger to feel safe and
discover his or her own gifts. Hospitality is more than an expression
of love for the guest. It is also and foremost an expression of love between the
(From a daily meditation of the Henri Nouwen Society March 6, 2013)
The words “I love you” are easy to say but harder to do!
Simple tips for today and everyday!
L Live generously… and do something nice for your significant other
O Observe their actions….how they love others often reflects how they like to be loved
V Value their presence…..treat them as your most prized possession
E Enjoy your time together! Love comes from God and is intended for our pleasure!
(FAIRFIELD, Conn.) — John and Ann Betar weren’t supposed to get married. Her father had arranged for her to wed another man, but she and John fled Bridgeport and eloped in New York.
That was more than 80 years ago. The couple is still happily hitched, a fact that has led to their naming as the “longest married couple” in the U.S. for 2013 by Worldwide Marriage Encounter, a Christian marriage group based in San Bernardino, Calif.
The Betars are scheduled to receive a plaque and other gifts from the group at their granddaughter’s home in Fairfield on Saturday.
They told the New York Daily News that there are no secrets to a long marriage, only a few simple rules.
“We just live with contentment and we don’t live beyond our means,” John Betar said. “Just go with the flow.”
John’s now 101 years old and Ann is 97, and they’re still living in their home along the Fairfield shore. They had five children, 14 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren. Two of their children died in their 60s.
Ron and Judy Pekny of Worldwide Marriage Encounter say the title of “longest married couple” is based on nominations the group received, so there may be some couples who have been married longer.
John and Ann grew up across the street from each other in Bridgeport, and John used to drive Ann to high school in his Ford Roadster. They fell in love. When her father arranged for her to marry someone else, they eloped in Harrison, N.Y., about 25 miles north of New York City.
John went on to open a grocery store in Bridgeport.
Ann Betar told the Hearst Connecticut Media Group around their 80th anniversary in November that family has been a key to their longevity.
“That’s what makes life what it is,” she said. “We were fortunate enough to live long enough to see this … and it’s really one of the most gratifying things in the world to see your great-grandchildren, to see your grandchildren become adults.”
John Betar added, “That’s what keeps us alive. We live for them.”
From WRAL TV 11/04/11
Raleigh, N.C. — When Adam Root smiles, his wife sees a flash of the man she married four years ago. The husband who never hesitated to express his love, even minutes before the couple's relationship was changed forever.
On the way to a motorcross track in Sanford on May 10, 2010, the two shared a heartfelt conversation.
"He just spent 30-40 minutes on the drive out there telling me how much he just respected, appreciated and honored me as a wife. That was the last conversation we had for nearly 10 months," Amy Root said Friday.
Adam Root was making a jump on the track, a track he had ridden before, but missed and was thrown over his handlebars. He landed on his head at 55 mph.
"He had all his protective gear on," his wife recalled.
Doctors told Amy Root that her husband had a 10 percent chance of survival. He spent 10 months in a coma, underwent 13 surgeries and stayed at six different hospitals along the East Coast.
Doctors said Adam Root would likely be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life, but his wife said her faith told her to resist that prognosis.
"They said he would never speak again. That he would never understand language. But praise the Lord," Amy Root said looking at her husband Friday afternoon.
"I just knew God was bigger than Adam's brain injury," she said.
Since the injury, Adam Root, 29, has made amazing strides. He can say a few words and seems to understand much of what is said to him. Amy Root said sometimes her husband's memory gets jumbled, and he can't remember her name. At times he doesn't even remember she is his wife, so he calls her "his little lady" instead.
"There are moments when it's hard," she said. "Still in the midst of sorrow there is so much joy.
"I experience joy every day of this journey, even with sorrow," she said.
When the two pray, Adam Root's speech becomes clearer, his wife said.
Amy Root, 31, spends her days taking care of her husband. She helps him with everyday tasks and even holds him up when his balance fails him.
Despite Adam Root's challenges, Amy Root has no doubt her husband will fully recover.
"I just continue to hope and pray and believe in God's promise," she said.
Amy Root said she doesn't refer to her husband's injury as an accident. She believes this was God's plan. As she sees her husband make progress and never give up, said she is seeing God's grace.
"He's still my man. Still my husband and God knew from the moment he brought us together as husband and wife that this was going to happen, so I just know he's equipped all of us for this journey," she said.
And when Amy Root looks at her husband, she doesn't just see the man she married four years ago. She said she sees her best friend and "mighty warrior."
"By the way he looks at me every day, he loves me so much, and he tells me," she said.
Completing their family, Amy Root has an 11-year-old daughter from a previous relationship who lives with them.
The Roots had a scare on Thursday afternoon when Adam Root wandered away from the Raleigh center where he receives treatment. He was found several hours later not far from the center.
When Amy Root asked her husband why he walked away, he told her he was looking for her.
On Friday, the couple went shopping for a GPS watch, so if Adam Root wanders away again they can track him through a website. Amy Root is also working on getting a medical ID bracelet for him so that people know his condition and how to contact his family.
HOW MUCH do you value your relationships? I think most would respond with an answer of a lot. Many people seem to place substantial significance on their families and friends. Just look at the popularity of Facebook.
But more importantly HOW DO you value your relationships? I think most would reply with an answer of I don’t know. Many act like relationships just happen and assume they don’t need any work. Just look at the divorce rate in America.
So isn’t it a shame that something like relationships which we value quite significantly are often ignored not because of their insignificance but because of our negligence? A new car has a better chance of long term survival than a new friend.
One of the key actions in building a successful relationship is to value both members in it. Begin by placing importance on yourself because the higher your self esteem, the more of yourself you can share with others. Follow this step by placing positive value onto another. Consequently a gift of affirmative self worth will be transferred! This practice of sharing value can be very satisfying because every human being seeks to be acknowledged, accepted and appreciated.
A heart break moment usually occurs when one who was highly valued by another is suddenly non-valued or dismissed. Their self worth plummets causing personal pain and horrendous heartache. This can be very hurtful because the individual who was once esteemed is no longer acknowledged, accepted or appreciated.
So how do you value others? First acknowledge others with a friendly “hello” or greet them by their name. By doing this you tell the other person you know them. Then accept the individual for who they are and what they are doing. Find something positive in their actions that make your interaction meaningful. Finally appreciate them for what they did with a simple “thank -you.” When someone is appreciated it confirms their behavior as something good. Three simple steps can make a person’s day! Just try it when you see Bob (not his real name) the cashier at your local grocery store.
HUMAN VALUE is one of the key ingredients in successful relationships. Make it a practice to place worth on others. It will not only make you feel good about yourself but will cause the other person to feel better about themselves. And don’t you think the world would be a better place if we did?
“Don’t look out only for yourselves, but look out for the good of others also”
1 Corinthians 10:24
All relationships have a beginning and an end with most experiencing a more joyous entrance than exit. Literary novelists have penned this term as heartbreak.
But why are there so many broken relationships? Besides the obvious answers such as death, relocations and life changes, most heart failures occur because of neglect. In other words relationships deteriorate if both participants fail to work towards its maintenance and growth.
In the majority of cases, negligence does not occur due to a lack of desire but due to a lack of knowledge. Our culture does little to prepare an individual to be in relationships. This is especially evident in our marriages.
HeartBuilders Ministries was created to teach people how-to-be in relationships. We want to equip individuals with the proper tools to cultivate their land of personal connections. Can you imagine a farmer with a fifty acre field attempting to produce a bountiful crop without the use of proper agricultural equipment?
These short monthly articles are intended to become small tools to place in your ministry work shop. Use them when necessary, but keep them handy. So why not take a few minutes during your busy day and enjoy a cup of blessings with a Heart-break moment.
17 Years After Divorce, A Kidney Reunited Them
From the Today Show March 25, 2009 By Mike Celizic
They were a typical American couple: They got married, raised two daughters, and then, finding themselves squabbling over money and other issues, had a typical American divorce. Then Jim Tobin fell desperately ill with kidney disease that only a transplant could cure. His ex-wife, Bernadette Tobin, asked to be tested and found she was a perfect match.
And so, she gave him her kidney and he gave her back his heart.
Thanks to that gift of life, the couple who had fallen out of love fell back in again. And on Sunday, they married each other again in their Hull, Mass., home — 17 years after their divorce and 10 years after the kidney transplant that saved Jim Tobin’s life.
On Wednesday, the couple sat down in New York with TODAY’s Ann Curry, who asked them what changed in their relationship and made them want to resume their marriage interrupted.
You grow wiser; you know a lot more,” Bernadette, 63, replied. “You’ve gone through a lot of things, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. You’ve already gone through ‘in sickness and in health,’ so you know each other a lot more.”
“And you don’t want to lose each other again,” her 64-year-old husband added, turning to her. “I’m here today because of your compassionate heart.”
The decision to remarry wasn’t made in a day; it’s been a process that began 10 years ago, when Jim Tobin was battling the polycystic kidney disease that had been destroying his heart and kidneys for years. He had gone through his first single bypass operation when he was 34 and went through five more operations over the years. By 1999, he had been on dialysis for three years and needed a kidney to survive.
Although both Jim and Bernadette had moved into separate homes and dated other people, they had remained on good terms. Bernadette said one of the reasons she volunteered a kidney was because she wanted Jim to live so he could enjoy their grandchildren. The couple had raised two daughters, who today have five daughters between them.
The couple recuperated together after the surgery in the home of one of their daughters. That’s when they began to realize they still liked each other. Two years later, to save money, Bernadette moved out of her apartment and back into Jim’s home in Hull.
Getting it rightThey’ve had plenty of time to think about what went wrong during their first marriage, which lasted 27 years. A big problem, Jim said, was that he was working two and three jobs so that his wife could stay home with their daughters, and he never really got to know either his wife or his children.
“I think when you’re working so hard and trying to bring up a family, you sort of drift apart,” Jim told Curry. “You have arguments about money and things like that. I think once the children grow up, you don’t have much left.”
TODAY Jim and Bernadette Tobin were young when they entered their first marriage, which lasted 27 years. “We were young when we got married. We were right out of high school. You’re living with each other but you really don’t know each other,” Bernadette added. “You grow older, and you know more.”
“As the years go by, you get so much more respect for each other,” Jim said, picking up the thread. “You have to work so hard at marriage. It takes years to really get it right.”
He told a local newspaper that after eight years of living together and discovering that he had fallen back in love, he also wanted to provide security for Bernadette should he die before her. Getting married would ensure that she would get Social Security benefits. They are also able to share his health care benefits.